Gothic Jokes

[Magistusa]

Eto nqkolko vica koito namerih v neta predi dosta vreme.Nqkoi sa dosta qki

What do you call a goth lying in the road?
A speed bump.

Two goths are walking down the road, one says "I just bought the new Love Like
Blood CD."
The other says "F_ck me, a talking goth!"

How do you get a goth out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

Theres a goth walking down the road with a rat on his shoulder. An old lady
walks past, stops, stares at the two and says "Yeuk! What are you doing with
that revolting creature?"
"Squeak squeak squeak!" says the rat.

What do you store your heavy velvet cape in for the summer?
Goth balls.

Why is it so hard for goths to get work?
Because all they can do is mope the floors are depress the buttons.

What did the vampire say when he looked in the mirror?
"So nice not to see you again"

Wayne Hussey dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he meets up with
Gabriel who gives him the grand tour of heaven.
While toruing he sees many familiar faces including Jimi Hendrix, Ian Curtis,
Mary Shelly, and of course Nick Fiend kinda shows up once in a while...
And then he sees Andrew Eldritch Sitting on a HUUUGE throne..
Wayne Says to Gabriel "I didn't know Andrew was dead!"
Gabriel replies, "Oh, that's God(tm) He only thinks he's Andrew"

What's another name for a gothgirl?
A Crow-ho.

What do goths buy at the liquor store when they don't have much cash?
Crow-Magnums.

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a dead squid in my soup!"
"It's not dead Sir, it's just dreaming."

What do you get when you cross Lee Iococca with a vampire?
AUTOEXEC.BAT

How many casuals does it take to make a hamburger?
Who cares, just think of all the fun we could have putting them through
the mincer to find out!

How many "New Kids on the Block" does it take to paint a wall red?
Only one if you throw it hard enough.

How many fratboys does it take to wallpaper a room?
That depends on how thinly you slice them.

How many goths does it take to make cheesecake?
None, there are no goths in cheesecake.

Old goths don't die, they just need less makeup.

Two goths are having sex. (Strange, I know, but true.) Suddenly, the girl
goth comes.
"Darling, darling!" says the boy goth, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," says the girl goth, "nothing at all. Why?"
"You moved."

Why did the goth cross the road?
It didn't, it was dead.

What's black and sits in the corner?
A dead baby goth.

What's black and knocks on the window?
A goth in a microwave.

"He's *such* a *goth* ..."
"How *much* of a goth *is* he?"
"... that when he hangs around the house ... he *hangs* around the house!"
"Say, who was that *goth* I saw you with last night?"
"*That* was no *goth*! I'm a *necrophiliac*!"

What happens if you don't pay the exorcist?
You get repossessed.

How does a perkygoff paint his ceiling black?
He dyes his hair and starts bouncing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now, the seemingly unending list of lightbulb jokes:
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, one to change it and two to talk about Lord Byron's Grand Tour and
creative uses of laudinum in a metaphysical environment.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, but one has to light the candle.

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry.

[MortalLove]

;D Strahotni shegichki....
Tazi mi haresa nai-mnogo:

Two goths are having sex. (Strange, I know, but true.) Suddenly, the girl
goth comes.
"Darling, darling!" says the boy goth, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," says the girl goth, "nothing at all. Why?"
"You moved."

No zashto da e stranno,che dvama goth-i pravqt sex??!

[Commando242]

goth clubs should serve coffee. ice cold coffee. with nails and broken glass. and call then 'depresso's

"Civilization is what distinguishes us from animals, laughter is what distinguishes us from goths"

why do all goths express their individuality the same?

you're so goth, you s-hit bats. <- àáå òóêà èìà öåíçóðà :\

I'm so goth that when I was a toddler, I didn't cry over spilled milk, I MOURNED it.
I'm so goth I have a fishnet umbrella
I'm so goth my wrists slash themselves.
I'm so goth even my chocobos are black.

[C Green]

Commando242 said:

"Civilization is what distinguishes us from animals, laughter is what distinguishes us from goths"

muhahahahahaha

[DeadStar]

Problems only Goths Have
This is compiled from a thread on alt.gothic started by Gabriella Vervaine.

Trying to get blacks that match after they fade in the wash (damn blue/black and brown/black)
Trying to convince the drunk frat boy who is hitting on you that really are a guy.
Big hair, small cars. (Which goes right along with big hats and big skirts).
Airport metal detectors..."Hang on, just let me unbuckle my boots.."
The "Shoes, then corset" dilemma.
Having your little sister nick your make-up.
Living with a slightly homophobic father.
Going to a school which nicknames you "that gay devilworshipping freak that dyed his hair purple"
Getting your jewlery tangled in your clothes/hair (or, even worse, getting them tangled in the clothes/hair of someone else)
People ask "what's so funny and what perscription are you on?"
When your pointytoe shoes/boots get caught in the holes in the hem of your skirt.
Wearing a black turtleneck when it's 90 degrees outside
Accidently removing someone's nose with your spikey bracelet while dancing to Nemisis.
Getting people to look you in the eyes when you talk to them.
Getting your slave bracelet caught in your fishnets.
Unconsciously staring, and having people try to look you in the eye to get your attention -- which doesn't always work.
People declaring that your eyes are yellow, when, in fact, they are green.
Having to reach for the salt with one hand while holding back your sleeve with the other so it doesn't drag in the gravy.
Trying to find your posessions in an all black room.
Finding your coat in the pile on the bed after a party.
Trying to get the hair-dye stains out of your towels / sink / floors / doors / ceilings / carpets / pets / furniture.
Being asked to defend your entire existence in 30 seconds or less.
Finding a detergent to get those blacks blacker.
Thoroughly embarrassing yourself by finding that fog makes you so bouncy you have to sing along to your walkman, before you realise that fog also means that you can't see the people nearby.
Having little kids tug on their parent's arm and say, "Look, Mommy, isn't she pretty? I want to look like her!" while the parents grab the child and leg it.
Trying to wash dishes with those flowy sleeves.
Having someone try to pick you up, just so they can tell their friends they've had sex with you.
Going out in the winter and having all the metal stuff you are wearing freeze against your exposed skin.
Returing home the next day after clubbing, on a train full of buisnessmen.
Getting your skirt caught on:
...the buckles of your boots when you are walking up stairs
...part of the seat-adjustment-thingamie in the car
...your heels while walking.
...the outside of the door of your car while you're driving, and you don't notice til you get where you were going, only to find when you get there that a portion of your outfit is now caked with roadslime.
Lending your eyeliner to a friend and finding out later that he's returned it without mentioning that he completely emptied the enitre brand new tube.
Trying to buy mundane clothes to go job hunting in and not being able to bring yourself to buy anything with enough colour.
The salt stains on the hems of skirts in winter.
Not being able to climb really small stairs because the pointy toes on your pixie boots stick out past your toes enough that you can't get your actual toes on the steps.
Trying to stand up, and getting the hooks on your left boot caught in the fishnets on your right leg. And managing to look graceful while extricating yourself.
Dancing in a corset.
Attempting to explain goth to someone who has no familiarity with any reference you manage to come up with.
Driving in a rather large cloak.
Getting other peoples black eyeliner smudges on your face from greeting hugs at the club.
Having to wash black lipstick off of your neck.
Wearing 24 rings and getting them all stuck in various bits of lace and fishnet (not all of it yours).
Having to rush out of bed the moment you wake up just so you can get to the bank / store / whatever before it closes.
Convincing someone that you are straight even though you are wearing a skirt and makeup.
Convincing your sister to let you use her makeup because you are too broke/cheap to buy your own.
Trying to find women's clothes that fit you without it looking too obvious that that is what you are trying to do
Wearing that ultra-cool pewter cross you just bought to the club spinning around and knocking yourelf silly...then trying to cover your dizziness and nonchalantly checking your forehead for blood while still dancing.
Finding that your freshly washed black t-shirt is covered in bits of lint, which while undetectable by the naked eye, show up very well under UV, thereby making you appear to have terminal dandruff.
Waking up with the most painful hangover ever. Walking to the little store to get asprin, thinking "Damn even my feet hurt like hell". Then relaizing that your wearing someone else's Doc's.
After using your black eyeliner pencil as a lipliner and getting lipstick on it, coming back and fixing your eyeliner w/ the same pencil, thus creating a big black oily smudge where a nice angled black line should be.
Trying to find food you can eat without messing up your lipstick. French fries are good for that.
Having to tell your clothes apart by fabric only, basically: "Bring me that black shirt." "Uh, which black shirt?"
Trying to get seated so that the eye that you did just right will be the one facing outward.
Wanting to go and play out in the rain but fearing it'll ruin your hair.
Being unable to decide which rings look best over the black lace gloves
Fearing your sharply filed nails will ruin your mesh shirt!
Realizing your next cat better have black fur, as it's getting trying ripping off the fur from all of your clothes with scotch tape.
Finding that your cape gets in the way of your cleaning tools when going to work at the graveyard.
Getting a sunburn right through your t-shirt due to the fact that you are very pale from not seeing much daylight (prefer to stay up at night and sleep during day).
Trying to ride a bicycle with a long black skirt (or, even worse, a chiffon skirt-preferably one of those"shredded"-style ones)
Trying to ride a bicycle without reminding the people you pass of Miss Almira Gulch, forcing them to hum the wicked witch theme from The Wizard of Oz.
Trying to type with your lace gloves on.
Religion: while everybody still thinks you are a Devil-worshipper despite all your explanations.. especially if you tell them you are Pagan..
Other Pagans/Wiccans don't take you seriously because of what you look >like. (in the end, nobody really understands )
In school..how can one draw and draw and draw in one's sketchbook at boring lectures without attracting the teacher's attention with one's jingling bracelets...(It's a very scary situation when you notice suddenly that it's the only sound in the whole classroom and the teach stares at you with a look that will guarantee you not to pass the course..)
To like some Goth metal bands and not to be confused with the "ordinary" (especially Blackmetal) metal fans, who tend to be about 100 times dumber than the average Goths.
To keep your white makeup on at gigs, hot summer festivals etc.
Not noticing that you might have fresh black/dark stains on your >clothes untill they mess up everything non-black around you.
For girls: menstual blood doesn't show that well on black panties, so you might not notice your period's began before it's too late!
Accidently kicking things and having parts fly off because you're wearing steel toes boots.
Brushing against walls and having chips fly off because of your spiked bracelet.
Needing to be specially dodged in group photos with normals so you can all be seen clearly.

[DeadStar]

What do you get if you cross a goth and a toilet?
The cisterns of mercy.


What did the vampire say when he looked in the mirror?
"So nice not to see you again!"

-Íåùî ìàëêî ïî-ðàçëè÷íî-


What Did Jesus Say?
===============
Many philosophers over time have asked this same question, but on alt.gothic, as always, things are slightly different. Ian Herrick asked a flamey bastard a particular question, and many on alt.gothic rose up to answer him, in the true alt.gothic fashion:

Tell me something, when Jesus was bleeding on his cross, what did he say?
And here were the best responses:
_________________________________________________________________________

"Anybody got a band-aid?"
"This is _not_ helping my self-esteem!"
"Scotty , now would be a really good time to beam me up!"
"Where the fuck is my lawyer!"
"Kids, don't try this at home...."
"I'll be baaack...."
"Lets do the timewarp again...."
“Thanks for putting me up for the night!”
“You know, this could get infected.”
“Go down to Earth, he said. Heal the sick, he said. Spread my word to the non believers, he said. You forgot to mention this part, didn't you?”
"Where's Batman when you need him?"
"Son of God? All I said was the sun was good......"
"Maybe I *should* have let that cup pass me by......."
"All right, guys. This just isn't funny anymore. Guys? Guys?”

[Magistusa]

. Àç ùå òè äàì èçáîð - ×àé? Êàôå? Òàíö?

2. - "Ìäà - à - à" - ìèñëåøå ðàçñåÿíàòà Ìàõàðåò - "íÿêîè íàâÿðíî ùå îöåíÿò ñåãà íîâèÿ ìè çàãàð..."

3. Òðÿáâà äà ñå ïèå ïî-ìàëêî! - ðåøèë Ëåñòàò, èçíàñÿéêè ïîñëåäíèÿ òðóï îò áàðà.

4. 2 - âå÷åð ñëåä ñúçäàâàíåòî íà Êëàóäèÿ - Äåòå, îùå ëè èñêàø äà ÿäåø?! - ïèòàøå Ëåñòàò, çà ïåòè ïúò èçõâúðëÿéêè íàõàëíàòà Êëàóäèÿ îò ñâîÿ ãðîá.

5. "Ãëàâíîòî çà õóäîæíèêà - òîâà íå å ÿðêîñòòà íà öâåòîâåòå, à âíèìàòåëíîòî ðèñóâàíå è ðàçíîîáðàçèåòî" - ìèñëåøå ñè Ìàðèóñ ðèñóâàéêè 21 âàðèàíò íà Ïàíäîðà.

6. Èíäèàíñêè èìåíà
Ëåñòàò - îñòðèÿ çúá
Ëóè - âå÷íîòî ìðúíêàëî

7. Àðìàíä âúðâè è ïåå: I`m blue da ba de da ba dai...(òîâà è àç íå ãî ðàçáèðàì, íî íàèñòèíà ìè å ìíîãî ñìåøíî)

8. Ëåñòàò ïîäàðèë íà Àðìàíä êîìïþòúð, âêëþ÷åí êúì èíòåðíåò. Ñëåä ñåäìèöà Àðìàí ïðàâè îïèò çà ñàìîèçãàðÿíå...

9.Ëåñòàò èíñòàëèðàë íà êîìïþòúðà ñè Windows Millenium… Òàêà áåçñëàâíî çàâúðøèë äíèòå ñè Áèë Ãåéòñ.

10. - Àëî, òîâà êðúâíàòà áàíêà ëè å?
- Ëåñòàò, êàêâî ïðàâèø?
- Óñïîêîé ñå Äåéâèä. Ïîðú÷âàì íè ñëàäîëåä.

11. Ñêîðî Êëàóäèÿ óçíàëà, ÷å â êúùàòà èìà è êóõíÿ. Íî íàïðàçíî!...

12. Ïðåäóïðåæäåíèå, ïîñòúïèëî â Òàëàìàñêà ñëåä âðúùàíåòî íà Ëåñòàò â ñîáñòâåíîòî ìó òÿëî: Ëåñòàò îáè÷à þíîøè è ïîðòîêàëîâ ñîê. Þíîøèòå è ïîðòîêàëîâèÿ ñîê - íå èçëèçàéòå íà óëèöàòà ñëåä íàñòúïâàíå íà òúìíèíàòà.

13. Ïðèáèðàéêè ñå ñóòðèíòà ïðåäè èçãðåâà, Ëóè âèæäà ñòðàííà êàðòèíà. Ëåñòàò, ìíîãî áëåäåí, ëåæàë íà ïîäà íà ãîñòíàòà, ãúð÷åéêè ñå â ñïàçúì. Ïðè âèäà íà êúðâàâè ïåòíà ïî êèëèìà, Ëóè çàùî ëè ñè ñïîìíèë çà Êëîäèÿ...
- Ñëîæè ìå â ãðîáà, Ëóè! - âúêëèêíàë Ëåñòàò è çàãóáèë ñúçíàíèå.
Ñëàãàéêè Ëåñòàò â ãðîáà, Ëóè ïî÷óñòâàë ñòðàíåí ìèðèç...
- Êàêúâ ÷óäàê, îòíîâî å ëîâóâàë â îòðåçâèòåëíîòî! - ïðîìúðìîðè òîé è ãíåâíî õëîïíà êàïàêà.

14. Ëóè äðåìåë íà êðåñëîòî ñè. Ñëåä êàòî òîé áåøå îòêàçàë äà ïðåâúðíå Ëåñòàò âúâ âàìïèð â íîâîòî ìó òÿë, íåãî äàæå íå ãî ìú÷åøå ñúâåñòà. Ëåñòàò è Ìîäæî (êó÷åòî íà Ëåñòàò) ñå ïîÿâèõà â ñòàÿòà íåçàáåëÿçàíî. Ïî÷óñòâàë òÿõíîòî ïðèñúñòâèå, Ëóè ñå ñúáóäèë, íî íå óñïåë äà ïðîäóìà...
- Äÿâîëñêè ñïåöèàëèñò ïî îáìÿíà íà òåëàòà! - ñêèìòåøå Ëóè ñëåä íÿêîëêî âèòóòè, çàêðèâàéêè î÷è ñ êîñìàòàòà ñè ëàïà...

15. Ëåñòàò ñå ñúáóæäà íà çàëåç â íåïîçíàòà ñòàÿ ñ áÿë òàâàí. Äî íåãî, íàâåë ãëàâà, ñòîÿë Ìàðèóñ.
- Ìàðèóñ, êúäå ñúì àç?
- Ñòþàðò, ðàçáèðàì, ÷å â÷åðà ñè ñå óìîðèë îò ðàáîòà... Íî çàùî òðÿáâàøå äà õàïåø ðåæèñüîðà?

16. Âçåë Ëåñòàò âìåñòî öèãóëêà áàðàáàí è ñå ñïóñíàë â ïîäçåìèåòî íà Ìàéêàòà è Áàùàòà.... Òàêà è óìðÿëà Àêàøà íà òðîíà îò èçáóõâàíå íà ñúðöåòî, à íîâèÿ ïúðâîèçòî÷íèê ñòàíàë .... áàðàáàíúò. Îò òîãàâà íàñàì Ìàðèóñ êðèå áàðàáàíà â ñúðêîôàã, áúðøå îò íåãî ïðàõà è ãî îáëè÷à, íî íå ãî âêëþ÷âà â ðîê ãðóïà, çà äà íå ñå ñúáóäè áàðàáàíúò, äà íå ñå âëþáè â Ëåñòàò è äà íå çàïî÷íå äà çàâîþâà ñâåòúò....

17.Ëåñòàò: Êëàóäèÿ, êîëêî ïúòè òè ãîâîðèõ! Íå óáèâàé ó äîìà!
Êëàóäèÿ: Àç ÿ èñêàõ! Èñêàõ äà áúäà êàòî íåÿ!
Ëåñòàò: Àêî ñå äúðæèø äîáðå, äÿäî Ïîõèòèòåëÿ íà òåëà ùå òè íàïðàâè íà íîâà ãîäèíà ïîäàðúê....

18. Èçëèçà äîâîëíèÿò Ëåñòàò îò ñòàÿòà íà Ëóè ñ îòïå÷àòúê íà ðúêà âúðõó áóçàòà ñè. È çàìèñëåíî ñè ïåå :"Only love break so hard, brother Louis, Louis, Louis...

19. Äàíèåë Ìàëëîé(ðàçâúëíàíî) - "Âèå çíàåòå ëè...Ò.Å ìèñëèòå ëè ...Òî åñò, àç èñêàõ äà âè ïîïèòàì... Èìà ëè æèâîò ñëåä ñìúðòà?!"
Ëóè (ìðà÷íî) - Ñ Ëåñòàò - íèêàêúâ!

20. Äîìàøíè ñúâåòè: Çà äà ñå èçáàâèòå îò ïëúõîâå äîâåäåòå â äîìà ñè êîòêà èëè Ëóè.
À îò äîñàäíè ëþáîâíèöè/ïðèÿòåëè - Êëàóäèÿ.
À çà äà ñå èçáàâèòå îò äîñàäíè ñúñåäè - Ëåñòàò.

21. Êàêâî ïðàâè Ëåñòàò, êîãàòî íå ìó îáðúùàò âíèìàíèå?
Êóïóâà êðåì çà èçêóñòâåí çàãàð. È âåäíàãà ñå çàïî÷âà ñ âúïðîñè, îáâèíåíèå, óòåøåíèÿ!

22. Êàê ìîæå äà íàêàðàòå Ëåñòàò äà ñïàçâà âñè÷êèòå âàìïèðñêè ïðàâèëà?
- Òðÿáâà äà ìó ðàçðåøèòå âñè÷êî.

23.Êàêâà å òåìïåðàòóðàòà íà âàìïèðà? Íîðìàëíà - ñòàéíà!

24.Ëåñòàò ñå êàðà ñ Êëàóäèÿ, è òîé é âèêà â ïðèëèâ íà ÿðîñò:
- Âúîáùå íàé-íàêðàÿ ìëúêíè! Êðúâòà íå òè å çàñúõíàëà îùå íà óñòíèòå!

25. Ëåñòàò: Íå ìå íåðâèðàéòå! Ñêîðî íÿìà äà èìà êúäå äà êðèÿ òðóïîâåòå!

26. Ëåñòàò ïîêàíèëè äà ñå ñíèìà â ðåêëàìà çà ïîðòîêàëîâ ñîê, à Ëóè - çà ñðåäñòâà çà óíèùîæàâàíå íà ìàëêè ãðèçà÷è.

27. Íå ïðîïóñêàéòå ïðåìèåðàòà íà êðàòêîìåòðàæíèÿ ôèëì "Êðàñàâèöàòà è çâÿðà" ïî åïèçîäúò íà óáèéñòâîòî îò Êëàóäèÿ îò åäíîèìåííèÿ ðîìàí íà Àíí Ðàéñ "Èíòåðâþ ñ âàìïèð"
 ðîëèòå:
Çâÿðà -- Êëàóäèÿ
Êðàñàâèöàòà -- Ëóè
Íåçàâèñèìè íàáëþäàòåëè íà âòîðè ïëàí: ìàñà, ñòîë, øêàô, õèòðàòà ìóöóíà ñòîÿùà äî ïðîçîðåöà, ïðèíàäëåæàùà, äà ïðåäïîëîæèì íà Ëåñòàò.

28. Êîãàòî Àðìàíä çàïî÷íàë äà ïðîäàâà âñè÷êèòå ñè âåõòîðèè, òàêà è ñå ñúçäàëà ìàðêàòà Àðìàíè.

29. Ïúòóâà ÷åðåí ãðîá íà êîëåëà, ïðèáëèæàâà ñå êúì äîìà,âëèçà â àñàíñüîðà, ñòèãà äî 9 åòàæ, çâúíè íà âðàòàòà. Îòâàðÿ ìó ìîìè÷åíöå. Îò ãðîáà èçêà÷à Ëåñòàò è êðåùè: íàìàëåíèå
- Äàé ìè ñúðöåòî ñè!....Øåãà, øåãà!... Íå èñêàòå ëè äà ïðèäîáèåòå äèñêúò íà íîâàòà ñóïåðïîïóëÿðíàòà ñóïåðçâåçäà íà ñúâðåìåííèÿ ðîê. Ñàìî çà òåá èìà íàìàëåíèå îò 40 ïðîöåíòà! Åé ìîìè÷å? Ìîìè÷å! Íå ïîñèíÿâàéòå! Àç ñå ïîøåãóâàõ çà ñúðöåòî.

30. Çàùî Àêàøà óáèëà Åíêèë?
- Çàðàäè òðîíà.

31. Çàùî Àêàøà ïóøè òðåâà?
- Çàðàäè òðîíà.

32. Çàùî Ìàðèóñ îáè÷à äà ñå ïðàâè íà ñòàòóÿ â ïàðêà è äà ïëàøè õîðàòà?
- Çàùîòî òîé ïóøè òðåâà ñ Àêàøà çàðàäè òðîíà.

33. Çàùî Àêàøà öåëóíàëà Ëåñòàò?
"â èñòåðèÿ":- Çàðàäè òðîíà! Âñè÷êî çàðàäè òðîíà!!!

34. - Êàêúâ å èñêàë äà ñòàíå Àðìàíä êàòî ìàëúê?
- Êîñìîíàâò.
- À çàùî êîñìîíàâò, íàëè òîãàâà çà òàêîâà íåùî íå ñà è ÷óâàëè...
- Çàùîòî òîé ïóøèë òðåâà ñ Àêàøà çàðàäè òðîíà.

35. Íîâ îáåçáîëÿâàù ïðåïàðàò -- "Åíêèë"!

36. Ñðåùó äîáðî çàïëàùàíå ìàõàì óðîêè, çàêëèíàíèÿ, ïðîâåæäàì ñïèðèòè÷åñêè ñåàíñè. Òåë. 241656 ïèòàéòå äà Ä. Òàëáîò.

37.Èñêàòå äà ñå ïî÷óâñòâàòå îòíîâî ìëàäè? Ïèñíàëî âè å îò ñòàð÷åñêèòå áðú÷êè, îïëåøèâÿâàíåòî,áîëåñòèòå, ïðîáëåìè âëåãëîòî? Íå å ñòðàøíî! Òåë. 324123 Ïèòàéòå çà Ïîõèòèòåëÿ íà òåëà.

38. Ëåñòàò - Òàóíñåíä, õîäåéêè ïî ñíèìà÷íàòà ïëîùàäêà: - Êîé ãëóïàê å ïîñòàâèë îãëåäàëî íà èçõîäà.
- Àç íå ñúì îãëåñàëî, àç ñúì Âèëå Âàëî.

39.Äåéâèä ãëåäà ñåðèàëúò "Áúðçà ïîìîù" è ïëà÷å ñ âñå ñúëçè.
Ëåñòàò: Äåéâèä, êàêâî ñå å ñëó÷èëî?
Äåéâèä: Àç íå èñêàì ïîâå÷å äà áúäà âàìïèð! Ñàìî àêî çíàåøå êàêâî ÿäåì...

40.Ïî øîñåòî ñ áÿñíà ñêîðîñò ñå íîñè ñïîðòåí àâòîìîáèë, íà ïðåäíàòà ñåäàëêà ñå íàìèðà ïîëóìúðòúâ ïúòíèê, à øîôüîðà âúîáùå íå îáðúùà âíèìàíèå íà ñôåòîôàðèòå. Ïîëèöåéñêà êîëà ñ âêëþ÷åíà ñèðåíà ïðåãðàæäà ïúòÿ...."Íà çàêóñêà æóðíàëèñò, íà äåñåðò - ïîëèöàè...Íî íà òÿõ íÿìà äà èì äàì èçáîð! - èçìúðìîðè Ëåñòàò, ïðèáëèæàâàéêè ñå êúì ñâîÿòà õðàíà

41.Ïðåñòàâèòåëèòå íà ÌÂÐ, óìîðåíè îò áîðáàòà ñ ïðåñòúïíîñòà ïîêàíèëè Ëåñòàò äà ïîëóâóâà â Ìîñêâà. ×åòåéêè óêàçàíèÿòà Ëåñòàò ñå îòêàçàë: "Ïîâèêàéòå ïî-äîáðå Ëóè. Àç íå ïèÿ êðúâ íà æèâîòíè..."

42.Ìàõàðåò èçëèçàéêè íà ëîâ: "Âðåìå å äà ïîãëåäíåì íà ñâåòà ñ äðóãè î÷è!"

[Magistusa]

2005-03-11 -
Óâàæàåìè íîâè ïîòðåáèòåëè,
ïî ïîâoä çà÷åñòèëèÿ íàïîñëåäúê âúïðîñ êúì íàñ: "Êîëêî îùå ïúòè ùå òðÿáâà äà ñè ðåçåòâàì êîìïþòúðà çà äà ìîãà äà ñâàëÿì îò òóê" ñå íàëàãà äà óòî÷íèì:

×åðâåíèÿ íàäïèñ íàõîäÿù ñå â ãîðíèÿ äåñåí úãúë íà ñàéòà íè å ðåêëàìíî ëîãî íà íàøèòå ïðèÿòåëè îò ôèðìà "Reset Computers" è íå âè çàäúëæàâà äà ñè ðåñòàðòèðàòå ìàøèíèòå.

Ìîëÿ, äà íè èçâèíèòå çà çàêúñíÿëîòî óòî÷íåíèå

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